were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
