i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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