I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
