Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
