i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
