You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
His nipple licking is glorious
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