Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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