Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
