im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
