Only a mothe r could love this liver
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
