I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
