Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize