Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
