I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
