he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
