Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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