So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
