This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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