Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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