Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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