id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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