I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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