by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
