So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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