mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
