Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
