I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
