I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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