I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize