Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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