This girl is more easily done than said...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
