is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
