dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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