Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
