she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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