When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
