Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
