i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize