I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
