i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
