it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do vagina's smell?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize
