I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
