the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
