Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
