This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
