so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
