i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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