i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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