How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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