So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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