I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
