38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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