dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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