Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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