If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize