I met the friendliest cop last night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
