Walk of Shame. In a state park.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize