My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
