Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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