My sheets look like a crime scene.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
