Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
