So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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