At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
