watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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